"Your voice sounds completely different in different languages. It alters your personality somehow. I don’t think people get the same feeling from you. The rhythm changes. Because the rhythm of the language is different, it changes your inner rhythm and that changes how you process everything.
When I hear myself speak French, I look at myself differently. Certain aspects will feel closer to the way I feel or the way I am and others won’t. I like that—to tour different sides of yourself. I often find when looking at people who are comfortable in many languages, they’re more comfortable talking about emotional stuff in a certain language or political stuff in another and that’s really interesting, how people relate to those languages."
François Arnaud for Interview Magazine. (via seelenlos)
"The place in which I’ll fit will not exist until I make it" - James Baldwin.
Today I realized that I don’t belong to any kind of group of people in terms that I don’t feel comfortable enough with anyone, not even with my closest friends. It’s not their problem, of course. It’s mine and it bugs me to death.
Yesterday, I had a nervous breakdown. I was super aggressive, I was binge eating the whole evening and not communicating with anyone. I yelled at my sister’s daughter, my sister, my aunt, her kids… without any possible reason.
Today, I woke up wanting nothing, not even getting up from my bed. I opened up my laptop and started staring at the screen. Then, went downstairs to the kitchen, put some chocolate cereal in the bowl, poured one cup of black coffee and went back to the room to stare at the blank screen of my laptop.
My mom and dad came to my aunt’s home today to take me back to the city. They found me like this. My mom is worried that she’s not the best mom and she is not doing enough to make me happy. She thinks that by providing me with money, clothing and latest gadgets, she will make me content and happy.
This is not true. My mom and dad have already done enough for me. They’ve sacrificed a lot for me and really, I have everything I want and need and they always try to support me.
Thing is, that I am a terrible person, with horrible mood swings, short temper and aggressive nature. I was born sad and unhappy. It’s in my veins and it flows out of my heart to the rest of my body.
I don’t know the medical term of what I am. Maybe, there isn’t an exact term of my condition. Whatever it is, I am a broken human being, unsocial, angry and sad, filled with a wave of insecurities and blackness. I really don’t know why I was born. I feel like someone else would have benefited more from existing in the body I live in. That someone would have made parents and friends happy. She would have fought to achieve goals in life and she would not be pain in the ass in general. Instead, I’m just wasting oxygen of other people. I’m just an extra. Only parents would be sad if I was dead. Maybe, some friends too. But, that would be the usual sadness one feels when someone innocent dies. That would not break anyone. I would not be missed because I’m not adding anything to anyone’s life. I’m just absent. I only exist in my room and in my head.
"It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”. It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life. For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are. Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees."
Dear Diary 27.05.14
Dear fucking Diary,
I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything this past few weeks. Masters exams are ahead in July as well as my trip to beautiful Lisbon. The only thing that gets me going right now is knowing that I will attend Arctic Monkeys live performance at Optimus Alive fest! This is beyond amazing and makes me want to puke and shit rainbows! I mean, I’ll get to see Alex Turner after all those years of swooning and melting over him, his voice, his songs, lyrics, videos, live shows, his ex girlfriend (lol) etc.
I don’t know if I have mentioned this before but my mental age varies from time to time, but mostly I’m a sixteen year old teenager who enjoys reading/watching young adult fiction/films and listening to British bands whose lyrics are moody and quirky and focused on heartbreaks .I’m the kind of girl that is has been boy crazy since teenage years but not in a crazy “crazy” way :D I am just an avid admirer of beautiful creatures that inhibit male bods lol. I tend to cry, laugh uncontrollably. I’m a master chef of “awkward” “drama” and “unthoughtful behavior” etc.
I’m underlining this, so that I can make it clear how does Lisbon trip affect my way of thinking. I’ll be staying in Lisbon for 7 nights along with my friend and I have already made a little guide to all the beautiful places I wanna see - Belem, Sintra, Estoril, Cascais, Bairro Alto and Alafama among many others. Also, some special clubs and bars (Lux (partially owned by actor John Malkovich:), Incognito) to satisfy my love of modern and underground electronic music and alternative indie. Up until now, this great new soon-to-happen fact has served as a major distraction from exam preparation, which, well, sucks.. But, come on! Anyone could relate to my situation right now. I don’t live in EU and I can’t travel around the globe without a problem. .I need a fucking visa to almost anywhere which is pretty hard to get if you are unemployed and plane tickets cost me three months salary.
Enough of this ranting:)! I think I’m going to have the time of my life with enough port wine and bar crawling and hot tanned Portuguese surfers in one week period!
it’s been a year full of bad and good but mostly bad. What was comparatively better was music. Sometimes I really forget all the great stuff that I used to listen. Some artists are thrown into the dustbin when the new sounds and faces emerge. So, I decided to make the list of my favorite albums this year as well as films.
So here is the list of my favorite and probably and logically most listened albums this year:
1. Sky Ferreira - Night Time, My Time
I disliked this girl at first. Thought that she was one of the innocent-turned-slut popstar wannabes, but as time went, I realised how much I like her for her weird alienish sexy schoolgirl looks, her cool boyfriend - frontman of band DIIV, her public image and attitude and finally the album, which reminded me of my school years when I was filled with angst and pop punk fantasies.
2. Devandra Banhart - Mala
This came out at the beginning of the year and was one of the highlights of my life when I was feeling pretty much shitty all the time. Album is mysterious, sexy and warm and automatically pushes the blush pink images in your brain cells.
3. Arctic Monkeys - AM
This has to be the sexiest rock album of the year. Not to mention the newly released songs from B side (Stop the World, I wanna get off with you; You’re so Dark), this record is black and filled with melodic and romantic songs. Alex Turner is God. period.
4. King Krule - 6 Feet Beneath the Moon
King Krule or Zoo Kid is the best new artist of the year in my opinion. He is a teenager with the deep vocals, mature and smart lyrics and melodies. His videos and music are relatively eye and ear candy.
5. The National - Trouble Will Find Me
This album has to be the one that strongly touched my heart considering my nostalgic and depressing moods. Every song is an undeniable masterpiece with heartbreaking lyrics.
6. Blood Orange - Cupid Deluxe
I love Dev Hynes. I love his style, his music, his persona - everything. Unfortunately, he was not well recieved by critics for his previous works and I was so happy when Cupid Deluxe was named the Best New Music by Pitchfork. Album is delicious! Kudos, Devonte and good luck in making more music like this!
7. Kyle Hall - Boat Party
I hadn’t heard of this artist until my friend showed me one track of the new album and that was it - I was hooked.
8. Jessy Lanza - Pull My Hair Back
I’m currently loving this record by this new female R&B artist Jessy Lanza. Genre is something like experimental electro R&B and it worls, it really does. Her voice complements the beautiful beats and the end result is fascinating.
9. Mount Kimbie - Cold Spring, Faultless Youth
Always loved Mount Kimbie. That’s all I can say.
10. Dj Koze - Amygdala
This was my non-stop record in the spring, I had it on replay and my room was always filled with Koze’s melodic rhythms on every occasion. I think my friends started hating me after playing it too often…
AnOther magazine f/w 2013-14 / Cristina Hermann, Drake Burnette, Rebeca Marcos and Vivien Solari by Vincent van de Wijngaard